Designer Computer Bags

Funny monologue for teen girl?

I found this monologue online and showed it to my family, but they really didn't like it: Do you realize that tonight is the most important night of my life? Oh my God!  Do you?  It's like totally more important than cheer tryouts.  It's more important than my first kiss, the first day of middle school, the first day of high school, the first day of Driver's Ed, more important than my driver's license, more important than any of my ex-boyfriends, more important than my current boyfriends...  I mean boyfriend.  It is the pinnacle of the high school experience.  The prom.  Prom night.  The night that I will remember for the rest of my life.  I spent six hundred dollars on my dress.  Anyway, Jane Hickman spent a thousand...  She's a total daddy's girl.  For her sixteenth birthday, her Dad bought her a brand new Ford Explorer.  For my sixteenth birthday I only got a two year old Taurus.  Whatever.  Some girls are just born with a silver spoon in their mouth.  She's such a snobby little rich girl.  A little rich girl whose parents buy her anything she wants.  Her parents have a swimming pool and a tennis court.  All we have is a jacuzzi.  One time she told me she (Makes quote signs with her fingers.) liked my outfit.  She's such a snob.  I know what she meant.  She was making fun of my new designer jeans.  She thinks they're out of fashion already.  Skank.  Oh well, I'm not going to let Jane Hickman ruin the most important night of my life.  My six hundred dollar dress is way more stylish that that over-priced rag she's gonna' wear.  That little witch.  That little slut.  I'm gonna' be homecoming royalty for sure.  Homecoming queen!  I hate Jane Hickman.  Hicky Hickman, 'cause she's always got a hicky on her neck.  That little hootchie mamma better not be getting on the royal court.  I'd just kill myself if she was homecoming queen.  I'd kill myself!  It's bad enough her dress cost more.  It's bad enough she's got a newer car.  It's bad enough she's got a pool and a tennis court.  I hate my parents.  I can't believe you're related to my Mom.  She's so lame.  At least you have money.  We sure don't.  Why don't we have a pool and a tennis court?  My Mom is so lazy all she does is sit around at the computer.  My Dad's never around.  He's always at the (Makes quotes with her fingers again.) office.  Whatever that means.  Like if he was at the (Makes quotes one last time.) office, he'd be making money right?  Well, maybe he needs to get his butt in gear and get his daughter a fifteen hundred dollar dress so she doesn't look like a bag lady at the prom.  That's what I'm going to look like.  A bag lady!  Jane Hickman is gonna' be prom queen for sure.  This is gonna' be the worst night of my life. Do ya'll like it. Its for a tryout? If you don't like it could you post a website url or one that you like. Thanks :)

Public Comments

1. Hahah! That is soooo good! (: When I auditioned for my last play, I used this monologue from Mean Girls. Gretchen says it! (: "Why should Caeser get to stomp around like a Giant, while the rest of us try not to get squished under his big feet? Okay, Brutis is totally just as smart as Caeser. Brutis is totally just a cute as Caeser. People totally like Brutis just as much as Caeser. And since when is it okay for one person to be the boss of everyone? Because that is NOT what Rome is about, we should totally just STAB CAESER!" Hahahah, you should watch that scene, its soooo good! (: break a leg girl!
2. Your family doesn't like the language. GEt a copy of "Quilters" and do Sunbonnet Sue, it is great!
3. This is a cute and funny one from a play called The Star Spangled Girl. It's supposed to be done in a southern bell accent. Sophie: Mr.Cornell, Ah have tried to be neighborly, Ah have tried to be friendly and Ah have tried to be cordial...Ah don't know what it is that you're trying to be. That first night Ah was appreciative that you carried mah trunk up the stairs...The fact that it slipped and fell five flights and smashed to pieces was not your fault...Ah didn't even mind the personal message you painted on the stairs. Ah thought it was crazy, but sorta sweet. However, things have now gone too far...Ah cannot accept gifts from a man Ah hardly know...Especially canned goods. And Ah read your little note. Ah can guess the gist of it even though Ah don't speak Italian. This has got to stop, Mr. Cornell. Ah can do very well without you leavin' little chocolate-almond Hershey bars in mah mailbox-they melted yesterday, and now Ah got three gooey letters from home with nuts in 'em-and Ah can do without you sneakin' into mah apartment after Ah go to work and paintin' mah balcony without tellin' me about it. Ah stepped out there yesterday and mah slippers are still glued to the floor. And Ah can do without you tying big bottles of eau de cologne to mah cat's tail. The poor thing kept swishin' it yesterday and nearly beat herself to death...And most of all, Ah can certainly do without you watchin' me get on the bus every day through that high-powered telescope. You got me so nervous the other day, Ah got on the wrong bus. In short, Mr. Cornell. And Ah don't want to have to say this again, leave me ay-lone!!!!